from people pleasing to speaking my truth

I used to get disappointed when others didn’t react the way I expected them.

Getting stuck overthinking why they said this, what must they be thinking about me…

This overthinking makes me do something to please them which I always end up regretting.

The typical advice like “be authentic” “be you” felt great to hear but didn’t really help me break the habit of pleasing.

What really clicked was the realization that - People pleasing is a result of me compromising my soul.

Compromise leads to inauthentic expression or inaction. You don’t say what you want to say, you don’t do what you want to do.

If you don’t do what you want to do, then you won’t be able to see your true depth in it.

If you can’t see your depth then you will feel “not good enough”

Which again makes you compromise more. It becomes a loop.

The word compromise really did something in me. I started questioning - why have I been compromising for soo long?

Maybe I haven’t fully overcome the fear of being seen. Not taking my stand fearing others might not like what I say. But in the end, I’m the one who gets disappointed.

If someone asks me to do something, I would immediately do that (except for my parents 😄 ) without giving myself the time to decide if I really want to do it.

As a person it made me feel weak and easily influenced.

On the other hand, in those very few moments where I did stand my ground - it just felt ME. It felt effortless because it takes a lot of energy to pretend and please.

So here’s how am I working on this:

Awareness:

Started being more aware in my day to day conversations.

When I catch myself compromising, I take a PAUSE and say “This is where things change, right now, at this moment I’m going to honour myself and not please the other”

Patience:

Cultivating patience to speak only when feeling called to. Not to just fill in awkward silences and keep the flow. Otherwise, I start rambling unnecessarily.

Presence:

This brings me to the understanding that your presence itself communicates. More than the words it’s the energy or frequency behind the words that matter. That’s why we say I like the vibe of that person.

My focus has shifted to being present and not on trying to think of what I’m going to say next. I’m actually able to listen and understand where the other person is coming from this way.

Also when feeling anxious during awkward silences - grounding into your presence with deep breathing or any nervous system regulation exercise could help.

Okay, that’s all I got for this one.

Until next week,

— Ragav

PS: If you have any questions or want to chat about this, feel free to reply to this mail or DM me on X.