3 Pillars of Self Esteem

I am sure you must have felt like an imposter at some point in your life.

I have felt it for sure.

One study found that about 70% of all people have felt like an imposter at some point.

You might appear to be a success in front of the world but be internally filled with excessive self-doubt.

You may have googled "How to overcome imposter syndrome" or "How to get rid of self-doubt".

But have you ever questioned "WHY" do you have self-doubt?

No.

Because you are hesitant to ask "WHY". It’s too much thinking.

You say – "I would rather distract my mind" – watch a series or maybe a motivational video.

I understand that it’s difficult to question yourself when you’re already feeling low.

But think about it. Distraction is just a temporary solution to any problem. It’s more of an escape from reality. As soon as you keep your phone aside, you’re again bombarded with the same thoughts.

Now, if you’re ready to question, then let’s dig in.

Why do you have self-doubts?

Is it because you feel inferior when compared to others? Or maybe fear of failure?

These are signs of low self-esteem.

Let’s test your self-esteem:

Think of all your achievements in life. If someone suddenly berates your accomplishments, how do you react?

If it’s anger or pain, then you probably have low self-esteem.

The problem is that your current self-esteem is based on:

• What are your friends doing?

• What someone on the internet is doing?

• What’s the current trend?

• What do others think about me?

Reality: Most people don’t really care about you. We tend to overestimate how much other people notice about us. (Spotlight effect)

Stop worrying about what others will think; otherwise, you will always keep comparing and doubting yourself.

Success ≠ Self-esteem

Then how do you build your self-esteem?

The only way to build self-esteem is to understand "self" in the word "self-esteem".

When you deeply understand what is important in life and what isn't, then your self-esteem becomes unshakable.

Now, what is important?

I know it’s subjective, but on a macro level — all aspects of life are based on 3 important pillars:

1) Health

You know it. I know it. – Your physical and mental health are interdependent.

Ever prioritised work over health?

I have. And suffered because of it.

But now I don’t. It's in my principles, etched in my mind.

Without health, no matter what you achieve, your self-esteem is bound to be low.

2) Wealth

I am not wealthy by any means. So is my self-esteem low?

Not really.

Self-esteem doesn’t depend on the amount of money you have. It depends on your ability to earn it back, even if you lose all your money and fame.

I am currently working on this aspect. Learning and improving my ability to earn.

A person with high self-esteem will never be afraid of losing all his wealth.

I want to be that person, and I will be that person. I hope you too want the same.

3) Relationship

Firstly, if you’re single, I can feel you. You see others hanging out with their partners.

You feel left out.

You feel lonely.

You doubt yourself.

You are unhappy.

This has a negative impact on your self-esteem.

This occurs because you believe you are lacking in some way. You want someone else to complete you.

With this mindset, even if you are in a relationship, your self-esteem will be low.

You will have insecurities.

You become overly attached.

Reality: You are complete. You just need a partner to complement you. To support you. A person to share your vision with.

"The secret to a happy relationship is two happy people." - Naval

If someone enters your life, great. If someone leaves, it’s okay.

The day you feel this, your self-esteem will skyrocket.

To wrap things up

The only way to kill self-doubt is to build self-esteem.

Understand what is important in life and what isn’t for you. Make that your guiding principle. Your self-esteem will be based on that.

Good health and the ability to earn wealth, paired with a healthy relationship with yourself and others, will lead to unshakable self-esteem.

– A note to my future self